Tally's Blood 2

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Last night’s read-through was a real pleasure, and what a relief it was to discover my instincts with the casting are vindicated. I’ve assembled a lovely collection of people with a wealth of talent. It’ll be lots of fun working with them. Having said this, I’m afraid I ended up having to read in for one character. This was because I had been forced to sack the actor playing Luigi (CZ) before rehearsals had even begun. He’d decided to relocate to Oxfordshire without telling me after I’d cast him back in July! He informed me he had enlisted on a TEFL course down there, starting at the beginning October, and wouldn’t be able to make rehearsals for four weeks. He asked me if the theatre would refund his travel expenses to commute from England, as well as find digs for him! When I told him this wasn’t possible he begged to sleep on my sofa. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him as he’s obviously experiencing mental health issues, having only just discharged himself from a psychiatric unit, and is currently homeless. Despite being perfect casting for the role of Luigi, and by all accounts an amazing actor, in the end I was forced into the difficult decision of letting him go. I tried to do it gently but he wouldn’t take the hint. When the penny did finally drop he became angry with me; but, as I told him, I have to think of the team.

CZ “You’re under-estimating me, David… I can do this.”

Me “My name’s Mark.”

CZ “-Huh?”

Me “Mark... My name’s Mark.”

CZ “Sorry, yeah, of course. Mark. No, as I was saying, you’re under-estimating me… I can do this... Please, you’re not listening to me… There’s no problem. No problem at all... All I’m telling you is I need this… I need this chance to prove I can make it as an actor, that's all David.”

…And so he continued, calling me David, and pleading with mounting desperation at the end of the line, as I got later and later for work.

In the end I just have to remind myself I’m not his carer, I'm only a director. Is that harsh??? India, my wonderful assistant, confessed she’d become increasingly uncomfortable speaking to him. She’d spent so much time and effort trying to get him to commit to rehearsals and still he kept refusing to be pinned down. The only rehearsal he would promise to attend was the read-through itself. But when he told me yesterday morning that he wasn’t going to come to that either, well I guess my patience-, which was by now hanging by a thread anyway- finally snapped.

For some strange reason he’d keep speaking in Italian to India over the phone (which really unsettled her, as she’d already told him she couldn’t understand the language) in their hour-long conversations! All she'd wanted to know was when he was coming up! I can’t help but feel guilty that India’s detailed rehearsal schedule, on which she’d worked so hard, is already totally obsolete. But at least now he’s gone she can relax..

What it is that attracts me to casting a token loony in every show I direct? The last three shows I’ve directed have almost come unwound because I’ve cast a wild-card nutter. (I’m thinking of D.W. in Anna Karenina, Remi R. in A Hard Heart and now CZ in Tally’s Blood).

Hearing the script read aloud confirmed to me that Tally’s Blood is not great drama. It is simple entertainment. It has heaps of emotional warmth and sentimentality, but it isn’t by any stretch of the imagination profound art. The action and dialogue requires a light, unobtrusive touch from me. The pace and rhythm of rehearsals need to be kept rapid to maintain buoyancy and the actors’ energy levels. Nothing need ever be laboured, or too heavily weighted with interpretation, as that would only strip bare the weakness in the writing. Massimo’s monologues are clunky and incongruously abstract. There are too many superfluous stage directions- often the sign of an inexperienced playwright; the characters are corny and the relationships are clichéd... I love it though- I can’t help myself.

The issue with CZ disconcerted me at a personal level, not just for his sake but because it forced me to think again about my decision to forsake the financial security of salaried employment next summer. I don't want to end up like him. I fear ending up poverty-stricken, needy and desperate. I know that I won’t be able to sign on for the first 13 weeks, and my savings are only going to keep us going for 3 months at the most. My more courageous friends who strive to make a living from their art alone are constantly struggling to make ends meet, and live in constant debt even when they've managed to make a name for themselves. With the recession beginning to hit home, matters are likely only to get worse. My resolve is being severely tested, and I can’t help but fret I may be in danger making a foolish decision. I want so much to be able to trust my Inner Satnav, but common sense tells me it is going to be a rocky road ahead. The sensible part of me is tempting me to play safe:

“ What’s so wrong with continuing to do both- acting and teaching- just as you’ve done for the past 15 years?” it whispers.

Get thee behind me!

Still, I haven’t handed in my notice yet, and my boss is off sick for the time being, so this has bought me a little more time to consider things. I must achieve some clarity about this before I proceed. I have to ask if it’s really just that my timing is wrong. Should I just be patient and wait another couple of years…?

I'm annoyed at my weakness. Prayer and meditation are not of real help to me right now for some reason. I can't seem to hear Him properly. WHY?

"Eli, Eli lama sabachthani...?"

I'll write about what I decide next weekend.

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