Inspiring Quotes

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for. Dag Hammarskjold from Markings

Act from the within, from indeed the very heart of the within, from the innermost depths of being... the sanctuary that lieth behind the heart of man; the soul. Through feeling rather than thought is the pathway found." Mary Bruce Wallace from The Thinning of the Veil.

The great end of art is to strike the imagination with the power of the soul that refuses to admit defeat even in the midst of a collapsing world. Nietzsche

If thou canst believe- all things are possible Mark 9:23

Everything you can imagine is real. Pablo Picasso

The Actor's Ego

This is Mark Coleman's publicity photograph, his "10 x8". It is not me. It shows you what 'I' look like but it cannot reveal who I really am, what my true potential as an actor-soul is, nor how God sees me. My good mate Richard Campbell who took this snap makes me look handsome I think! But it can't tell you whether I am good, fabulous, bad or indifferent as a person, or as an artist. This image flatters my ego, and it may even have helped me to get a couple of gigs, but it isn't me. My ego would dearly love to think this image an accurate reflection of how the world sees me, but I am so much more than this. OK, the camera may not actually lie (although that particular truism is debatable), but the camera is always less than candid.

But then what is 'Me'? What's 'Me' actually mean? Does anyone else - should anyone else, in fact!-really care? :-)

Connectivity and true communion with ourselves and our audience through art demands the bypassing of the ego, so that the soul forms a deeper and more reliable connection with Divine, and reveals us in a deeper, more truthful light. The integrity of the actor must consist of more than just a vague intention of being true to oneself; it demands that this "self" be exposed and honoured in in all its universal dimensions. And this takes phenomenal guts.

Inner Light cannot shine through properly when the facile ego makes its clumsy, utterly spurious attempts to claim responsibility for how the world perceives you as an artist. My own best work in the past has always been as a result of starting with a tabula rasa. When I can become truly humble, with a willingness to truly begin again from scratch. This is always utterly terrifying, this letting go of my egoic habits and rituals, confidence in my own intellect, CV, reputation, my old acting tricks and techniques, etc; but with patience and trust in the Light as my true guide, the end result is always far greater than anything I could achieve when I happen to forget to place my all my trust in my Inner Light.

The aspects of my work I gain more nourishment and satisfaction from than anything else are assuming the life of another, and the opportunity to remind myself and my audience that notion of owning a unique separate identity is actually a mere illusion, a lie. The audience and "I" merge as they identify and achieve empathy with my character's feelings and his story. It is then we are all reminded we are ultimately connected, that we are all One in God.

But the essence of the ego is Fear:

fear of being wrong, or not being enough, fear of letting go, fear of others' judgement, fear of separation, fear of attachment, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of God, fear of no God, fear of strong emotions- like joy, rage, love, jealousy, fear itself... And the forms of fear on which ego thrives are legion. These fears enslave and imprison us as artists, as creative beings and keep us in bondage to a false idea of our destiny. Our ego is a false construct, a suffocating mask which hides the beauty that God longs for us to share with the world. The greatest artists remind us of this. Through their courage they make the Inner and Outer identical. They inspire (inspirit) the rest of us to let go of this attachment to our own egos and its illusory fears, and so experience compassion and empathy for another soul. These geniuses teach us how to love again. And so they bring healing.

Fear and the ego shrivel when faced down with the courage that love bestows on us. We are called upon by God to love our art, love our character, love our audience, love Him, love our own humanity, love one another and forgive no matter what.

When Jerzy Grotowski tells us that the actor's task is to accomplish an "act of soul", he is talking about us becoming Christ- and not just imitating Him, but becoming Him-through our art. We can do this by letting go of our fearful egos and embracing love. But that feels very risky, I know. However, even if we should try our utmost and then fail we do show God that we really mean business, and He will help us grow. The ego would have us stuck forever in the same old mire.

A bit about me

I am 47 years old Englishman, based in Glasgow and married to Karen who is, like me, an actor/drama teacher.

I have been passionate about acting for over 30 years now. At the risk of coming across like some sort of religious nutcase I have always seen my work as a form of prayer or worship, even when I've been dogged by intermittent bouts of agnosticism and spiritual disaffection. Last year I joined the Society of Friends (Quakers) and this has afforded me a far richer insight into what drives me as a human being and as an artist. The Michael Chekhov-inspired ensemble I'd put heart and soul into establishing with a pair of close friends (Razed Curtain Theatre Company) collapsed in betrayals, bitter recriminations and broken dreams in June last year. Since then a long dark night of the soul has ensued, and I have been forced to do much inner work in my attempt to re-establish the essence of what my art means to me. Neither of my former partners has felt the need to act at all since then- (they're too busy having lives, partying, having fun!)- but I suppose my own addiction has always been my work. As someone once said, "Work is more fun than fun". I've never pusued happiness like so many other people i know, only fulfilment, which is something quite different. And so I soldier on in this quixotic quest of mine, continually asking myself: "What do I know?... What can I trust?... What do I have to learn about becoming a better person through my art: how do I become a better artist by becoming a better person?

This little blog is my humble attempt to communicate some of my meditations on these themes, in the hope that it may speak to someone else's condition. I welcome comments and contributions from those who are interested in acting and spiritual matters.

I have been teaching drama to 13-18 year olds for the last 14 years, but I combine this with a career as an actor /director/ acting teacher in the west of Scotland.

Here are a few of the theatre roles I've played in recent years:

Prospero The Tempest Maggie Lovell Ramshorn Theatre
Lear King Lear Peter Lamb STG
Theseus A Midsummer Night's Dream Kieran Gillespie Collusion
Max The Homecoming Susan Triesman Ramshorn Theatre
Spooner No Man’s Land Peter Lamb STG
Pedagogus Electra Shona McKee Collectives
George Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? John Gilmour STG
Larry Closer Peter Mackie Burns Theatre Fusion
Shylock Merchant of Venice Colin Ellwood Opening Acts (tour)
Cassius Julius Caesar Colin Ellwood Opening Acts (tour)
Juror #3 12 Angry Men Tom Gemmell Theatre Fusion (tour)
Robert Betrayal Michael Emans Rapture Theatre (tour)
Suit Work-In Frank Miller Citizens/Cran Theatre Co
Player Rozencrantz&Guildenstern are Dead Aaron Paterson Ramshorn Theatre
Titus Titus Andronicus Leah Altman Flexible Deadlock
Moss Glengarry Glen Ross Douglas Brice Theatre Fusion/ (tour)
Sam Awake and Sing! Lou Stein Watford Palace Theatre

And in the past 5 years I have directed:

Anna Karenina Razed Curtain Theatre Company
A Hard Heart STG
Macbeth Shakespeare Schools Festival
Timon of Athens Ramshorn Theatre
Awake and Sing! Ramshorn Theatre
The Crucible STG

I will be directing House of Bernada Alba at Eastwood Theatre, Glasgow in April 2009.

I am currently a member of The Actor's Bothy (http://www.theactorsbothy.com/).

Only Connect

E.M. Forster's novel Howard's End.

Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, And human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect...

These words have always spoken to me about the Art of Acting, and in all my subsequent blogs I hope to explore how the actor may achieve and sustain this "connection".

The actor's purpose is an inherently spiritual one: a very high calling which requires the fullest and deepest possible connection with the text, the heart of character, the audience, the actor's own soul and heart, mind and body... with God, in fact. As a Quaker I tend to call this the Inner Light, but the idea is the same. All of us who participate in this art, believers and non-believers, are seeking and exploring the promptings of Love and Truth. I believe that this Inner Light, and our connection with it, is the creative source of all we do, and all that we are.

Unfortunately our fearful egos, our small-selves, have a tendency to interfere with the quality of this connection. We watch ourselves in the wrong way, seeking to prove our worth, make our mark in the world, appeal to false idols like fame, wealth, attention, sex, power, critical acclaim; and we seek dodgy justification for our choices in ways which stifle the still, small voice within that would entreat us to remain connected. And so we live in fragments, as E.M. Forster puts it.

No longer.

"Only connect".

The unifying principle we seek as artists, and which will make us whole again, is Love. For the essence of what we do is compassion as we merge with the universal consciousness through the process called characterisation. Spiritual teachers tell us that we cannot truly love others until we love our selves. Love your character, and your Inner Light will shine into the world.