Tango by Slawomir Mrozek

I'm preparing for tomorrow's first read-through at the Ramshorn Theatre of Tango, in which I have been cast as Stomil-an avant garde experimental theatre artist. It is very rare for me to be asked to play comedy, and although this play happens to be an esoteric, absurdist piece from Poland (dealing with weighty themes such as Formalism, chaos, ethical/social entropy within a dysfunctional family), it is- well, in a nominal sense at least- a farce, and will hopefully provide me with an unusual opportunity to be funny, anarchic and- for once- playful! Of course this gig is non-professional, but it will also provide me with a chance to demonstrate my wares to prospective agents, having been summarily dumped by West End Management at the weekend (Apparently my drama teaching commitments 'conflict with my availablity for professional acting work').

I've been wrestling with my Life Purpose of late, doubtless fuelled by Hollywood acting coach Bernard Hiller's 3-day "Success in Acting" workshop in Edinburgh last weekend. That experience was an epic wake-up tsunami for the 20 of us who signed up for it, and challenged each one of us to confront our fears and blocks and to ask ourselves deep questions about where we were on our artistic/career/soul paths, and why we appeared to be squandering our God-given talents by remaining in Scotland. Harsh, exacting questions- yet highly apposite ones!

Now I've never really harboured any genuine ambition to be famous, but I do still intend to be the very best actor I can be, to work with the very best. Despite Glasgow being a lovely place to live, it isn't by any stretch of the imagination the epicentre of acting excellence. And Bernie was quite uncompromising on this issue... He urged on us that if you are genuinely serious then you will be prepared to make all the requisite sacrifices, and go wherever in the world the opportunities happened to be in order to fulfil your vision. For him this happened to be the Hollywood hills, although I think for me it would have to be London, or New York i.e. where the best theatre is. The principle still holds though. Bernie did some private coaching with me on the last evening, and encouraged me to think big, and "stop coasting", suggesting that I was utilising just 60% of my true potential. I needed to be pushed to do much more, he said. Like Karen says I am really just "a big fish in a small pond", and I've got lazy.

And the bastard was right, goddamn it. I do need to be pushed harder in order to go further- both as an artist and as a professional. He offered me a job teaching alongside him when he comes to Glasgow next time, which would at least give me the chance to work with better students than the teenage kids I teach at present. (Back to school on Monday :-( )

Flattering as this offer was, I will have to think about whether this is really what I want to do. I live to act, for that is where my talent lies. Of course I can direct, I can teach, I can write, but acting is my truest and most abiding love. So just how much am I prepared to give up in order to remain faithful to my dream?